It been a bit long since I posted so I thought I’d just give a quick run through of the past two months.

Two months ago I got made redundant, so the first thing I did was cut a mohawk as in the last entry. Since then its pretty much been a big holiday. I’ve applied for a few jobs. Had an interview at Woosh for 3rd/4th level System Engineer but unfortunately my networking experience wasn’t up to it. That would have been a sweet job. Applied for a 1st level support position at AUT supporting students and staff, but they haven’t contacted me back on them so I’m still looking.

Here’s what I’ve been up to:

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Summer Slaughter was last night and it was fucking awesome. Nothing short of amazing as bogans flooded the Transmission room and the raw, unbridled power of brutal death metal pierced ear drums.

Got me a Necrophagist Tshirt and a Fetus hoodie. They aren’t that great, apparently they all sold out in Oz and they didn’t bring enough for us (thanks guys). But I’m happy to support them since I haven’t bought any of their albums and buying merchandise doesn’t give any cash to the record companies.

There were six bands, Ulcerate was first, they were OK (3 of them are 8 ft Sativa dudes so I’m told). Then Dawn of Azazel, with the Cop lead singer who they tried to kick off the force. They played real well this time. Got some hair thrashing to them.

Then the ones I’d never heard before, Faceless and Aborted played. They were actually pretty good! Aborted played for ages, and started a wall of death (Which if you didn’t know is where the crowd splits in two and runs at each other at the next breakdown)! I thought they were banned cos people die in them but my brother grabbed me and yelled “Mmmf gmph Mfft!!!” and ran off to the right of me. I was like “what the fuck did he say?” and then realised I was almost the only person left in the middle… fuck! The guitars dropped and everyone ran and smashed into each other people went flying, Mope lost his shoe then found it again. No one died. Was pretty cool, first one I’ve been in.

Next time I think I’ll pay more attention and instead stand in the middle with my devil horns outstretched and then tuck up just before each side meets me in the middle. That would be cool to do.

Shelley turned up before Dying Fetus came on. Gave me a chance to get out of the stifling heat down there to go meet her. I didn’t know but The bassist guy also does vocals. The guitaring was awesome, the bassist goes from like the top frets to the bottom frets then back again so quick it’s hard to follow, same with the lead guitar. His guitar was for sale that night too, $2000. It was a black Dimebag style one, can’t remember if it was ESP or LTD though… Fucking amazing. First song they played was… I can’t remember… but mope ran into the mosh pit so I followed him leaving Shelley (who wasn’t feeling so extreme that night: tsk tsk Shelley) with her mate from work Will, who plays in Skulldom. Hopefully going to see them next month.

Mosh pit was pretty fucking nuts, got kicked in the face by the Dawn of Azazel lead singer as he was crowd surfing which was pretty funny cos I just managed to miss his foot in the Amon Amarth mosh pit lol. It wasn’t as packed as Children of Bodom so there was more room to move around which meant cunts were getting taken OUT lol cos you could get a run up in the pit. Two dudes even dancing Ballroom styles in there smashing around and getting taken down, classic shit, was crackup.

I got out of there to get a drink, I was pretty much fucked by the end of Aborted but this was like the first and last time Dying Fetus will ever come here. Went back in for Grotesque Impalement – love that song. They played Pissing in the Mainstream, Kill Your Mother/Rape your dog, Raped on the Altar, One Shot One Kill and… I don’t remember the other ones they played. I was holding for Tearing Inside the Womb, but it wasn’t to be

Went outside to cool down before Necrophagist. They were the shit. They took a while to come on though and in that time I kinda seized up – getting too old for this shit obviously, or perhaps not drinking enough. They jumped straight into Stabwound, and also did Advanced Corpse Tumor and Fermented Offal Discharge. Watching them play is absolutely amazing. Dudes must have cut off their hands, fused huge spiders to their wrists, lopped off 3 legs, and hooked up its nervous system straight to their brains. Thats what it looked like anyway. Fingers moving so fucking fast and with such precision. Plus one of the guitarists does vocals as well. Fucking nuts!!! The lead dude playing a white flying V was looking everywhere but his guitar.

Pure.

Fucking.

Win.

(Ow my fucking neck hurts from headbanging so hard – so worth it)

Been riding my new quad quite a bit, though not as much as I would like.

Went riding with Shelley out at the Woodhill bike park which was fucking mean except my battery was flat and we had to keep roll starting it which sucked. I rolled it though which was quite fun, going through the blue enduro tracks, straddled a stump going down an uneven little rise. Unfortunately it stalled and we had to drag it out. Thanks for helping me drag my quad around that day Shellz sorry for being a drag lol.

Then went again the next week with her and Tesh, right after and during somewhat heavy rain so there were puddles EVERYWHERE. I got fucking soaked. Quickly learnt that quads get bogged down quite easy. Tried to hit the puddles hard but almost got thrown over the handle bars to meet the bow wave that splashes back over you. Have to kick it down to second or first and give it shit. Rode some new tracks. Then got back to the van and found that my keyfob in my pants doesn’t like water. And there’s no cell reception there to get my dad to bring my spare keyfob. So Shelley had to drive me back to my house and then back to the bike park before 5pm (got there just in time) to load the quad and leave. What a doofus. Then her horn got stuck on which was pretty funny, had to pull over and rip out some arcing wires from the engine bay. Taped them up no worries.

When I used to go down the race on Nicks property I used to only be in third but now I can do it in fourth. Kick it out round the corners with my new nerf bars which allow you to put your weight right on the edge off the bike for real tight turns. The tyres are really worn now though so it gets a bit slippery and dodgey. Brad took it for a squirt and almost slid it through a fence lol.

Nerf Bars

I even started to jump it. Shelley was telling me Nick gave her a jumping lesson and she wants to do freestyle, so I’m like well if she can do it I can do it lol. Started going off this little rise at the end of Nicks race. Get about a foot or two. Pretty small its good to see how the bike handles in the air. Then nick showed me this other jump. Which is quite a bit steeper. Did it a few times but just got to get my head around the ’scariness’ of it. Nick did it on the quad and was higher than mine but it looks effortless and easy. Probly cos he’s been riding since he was 5.

Oh well pratice makes perfect (slash broken leg).

Then I went on a mean journey up to Riverhead forest. It’s mostly gravel and with the worn tyres its mean for getting sideways round corners… so much fun, so fast. Some cute girl out walking waved to me on Ireland road, and some lady tried to throw a shovel at me on Horse-shoe bush road… yeah.

I want to try Race to the Sky on it just for fun and to say I did it. But it was shut down (and it’s in Queenstown).

Fuck I love my quad.

Joes band A Beautiful Chaos was one of the runners up to front for the Iron Maiden concert. Apparently Chuggernaut won it. But they had a concert for all the runners up at the Kings Arms on Thursday which me and Becky and Mope went to. Becky’s friends play in Sonic Altar which were also runners up.

Was pretty mean, a band called The Jealous Itch started then it was A Beautiful Chaos then it was Sonic Altar and we left after that.

Anyway the lead guitarist of Joe’s band left so finally he’s able to play some lead. Previously he was doing rhythym in the back, but now he’s mixing the two up. Which is great for him because he’s a wicked guitarist and I think he was a little bit wasted being in the back there. He can do some mean technical riffs of which I shall insert some videos here soon. I thought I had them on here already but apparently not .

But yeah, real good to see him up front, and it was his first time playing lead for the band live, and he fucking rocked it so I’m real stoked for him.

Caught up with him a bit after the concert which was mean cos I haven’t seen him in ages, but had to leave early (1am) cos I was riding with Shelley and Tesh early the next morning.

But yeah, mean shit.

Well I should’ve posted this last month when it happened (17th Jan) but I am lazy.

Heaps of people came. All our crew was there, all her friends from school (of which a couple of older siblings are our mates so they turned up too). Her friends from work and stuff, which some of them were gay and lesbian which was pretty crack up. And all her friends from work were coming up to me and going “Oh, you’re Chumba, heard a lot about you,” and stuff I guess she talks bout me at work lol.

Someone gave her a painting of her ute “Danger” which was a mean gift. Sadly tho, that ute was written off a while ago when some girl driving a honda went up her ass. Nick bought it off Shelley’s insurance company and now it sits in a shed waiting to be turned into a rat rod – a side project for later lol.

Her boss gave her a socket/toolset, because they saw her in the carpark of work pulling her ute apart to fix a speaker and stuff and were like “umm, wtf are you doing?” apparently. Lol.

I gave her a ticket to the Summer Slaughter in March which should be fucking mean.

Dying Fetus, Necrophagist, The Faceless, Aborted, Ulcerate and Dawn of Azazel in one room. Its a small room too… the Transmission room in Auckland. Mosh pit will be crazy!! Its so mean that she’s into metal and likes metal concerts. How many girls you know like that? Fuckall thats how many!

Also gave her a little comic book which I randomly picked up at a bookstore and thought it was her kind of humour. It is not unlike the Cyanide and Happiness comic on explosm.net

Not too much death metal was played but it probably would’ve scared off the townies like at Nicks 21st lol. Still a good mix of Ozzy and Black Label Society and stuff though.

Got pretty drunk off a couple mugs of JacknCoke had a feed and got undrunk. Everyone else was quite well pissed, except for Shelley, and people driving. Bo was wrestling everyone which got annoying quickly, but thats what you get when you hang around with a 10 ft maori so whatever lol.

Whipped out the cake and she cut it up with the sword from their foyer wall, like Nick did at his 21st. Did the 21 shots thing, which was Baileys mixed with contreau. I thought the person turning 21 was supposed to drink all of them but apparently that might leave you paralytic lol, dunno not really a big drinker, so everyone had a shot instead.

Joel got real drunk and we wouldn’t let him drive home but it was OK because he couldn’t walk. We dragged him inside threw him on the couch and Nick’s mum took his pants… (so he couldn’t sneak off). Everyone crashed about 3am, except for a few of us who crashed at like 4am. I just slept in my van in the hammock. Which was suprisingly uncomfortable. Brad had been in it while I was driving a couple of nights before and stretched it out a bit (and ripped one of the hooks throught the sheet metal lol).

Then the next day was her actually birthday and we all rocked to the hot rod show where it was a super hot sunny day. And I HAET the sun (and sunscreen) so I wore a black hoodie (with the hood up) from the car and dark glasses to cover up. I didn’t have a hat though so my face burnt . People must have thought I was such a wierdo… well, they probably think that anyway haha.

Shelley bought her new ute, Sabbath into the showgrounds to show it off. Its a pretty cool kingswood, black, and we sat on it so we could see the motorcross show over everyone elses heads. Then went back to hers for some more cake and cleaned/packed up.

Mean weekend with mean people.

So we’re at the pub on Thursday night, me Becky, Brad, Nick, and then Letitia turned up later on, and Amy came and hung out when she finished on the bar. Dunno where Shelley was? Think she had work the next day. The owner lady always tops up the jukebox with money from the till for us.

We’re sitting outside at the picnic table, cranking old school stuff like sabbath and eric clapton, all of us pretty wasted.

Topic of laughter for the night was saying smashed pipi, pipi smasher, because the week before. We had been offered (very stupidly) a gig at the Smashed Pipi pub in Mangawhai after some chick at a jam heard us (read: Joe) and thought we were awesome. Which we are, most definitely not.

Topic of laughter, because (as you will know if you already have a dirty mind) pipi representing the female genitalia, and smashing, the act of… fornication. Plus we are apparently 14 years old, thus making it funny. So you can imagine all the euphanisms we were coming up with, including telling threatening each other that we would smash the others pipi if they weren’t careful. Aren’t we evolved.

I get up to go and put on another song, I think I was trying to put on Deep Purple or Cream or something (there was no metal on the jukebox) and instead of hitting 81 on the thing, I hit 61. Which happened to be Vengabus, by the Vengaboys. Man did I feel like a dick, everyone cracks up laughing and points at me while I sit back down, and then they’re trying to make up a combination of my name and vengaboys, with gay taunts and what not. It was to be expected.

Then someone says, “Oh! The van!”, refering to my green van, “The Vengabus!”, “AHAHAHA” and everyone cracks up laughing again… classic…

THe Vengabus

Saturday when we’re on our way to get the engine, Brad texts tesh to ask what the plan was that night. She replies, “I reckon we all get drunk and take the vengabus to the smashed pipi.”

Hehe, good times…

Nick bought another engine, so it was off to Wellsford yesterday. This time a Toyota 3L (2.8litre diesel). Cruised up state highway 16 (the back way, some damn nice views that way), cranking Static-X’s new album.

Got up there, dragged the thing into the van and onto a tire. It was way heavier than the 2L we picked up from Hastings that time. Lucky we had Brad to help us. The guy he bought it off then let us grab a bunch of other stuff off a Hilux carcass sitting in the paddock. Can never have too many spare parts.

His project lux is getting there. He sold his V8 beast a few weeks ago and spent the money on a 39 Ford Bonus pickup with a V8 in it, which is now sitting at the factory. Saw it the other night when me and Shellz went to grab some tires off “Danger”, her old holden ute that got rear ended. She bought a new ute too, another Holden, but gloss black. Looks badass.

That family has an abnormal amount of cars. Nick has 4, 3 of which are projects. His lux, the Bonus, and the aforementioned damaged Danger, which is to become a rat rod in the future, the “Dairy Flat Rat” or something to that effect. Should be mean, flamethrowers, body dropped to an inch off the ground, just real rough and dirty, with a two-tone bare metal and rust paintjob. Or something along those lines anyway.

Went to the Psycroptic concert on Saturday night. Was mean! Unfortunately Saturday morning I got a killer ear infection and went to the doctors. Had to pay $75 for him to tell me what I already new and get a script for some amoxycillin. Plus I still had a bit of headache and stuff from my sickness before that. So I didn’t drink or mosh to hard.

Shelley’s friend Ella is apparently into pop and stuff but she came anyway. Didn’t ask her if she liked it though. Pretty sure Shelley liked it, Nick and Brad just thought it all sounded the same, and didn’t like the growling vocals. Everyone is like that at the start though. They played Colour of Sleep and Skin Coffin and Lacertine Forest but unfortnately not my favourite song in the whole world, Cruelty Incarnate

Was still good though. Dawn of Azazel and Metal Tower supported them. The bassist in Metal Tower had a Warlock Bass Guitar.

Anyways, here’s some of their tracks if you haven’t heard them before:

They were out of shirts by the time we got there too which sucked. I was going to buy a hoodie for $40 but forgot… (??)

Unfortunately, I am a lazy fuck and I never got around to putting my speakers and central locking cable through, before Sunday but no one else but Nick came with me. Brad went riding, as did Shelley and Tesh. It was a mean sunny day, had a bit of a jam, got yelled at by Nicks mum for distrubing the neighbours, and left at about noon.

I love roadtrips. Grabbed some subway at Bombay. Got down there at about 3, met the dude in New World carpark in a suburb called Gate Pa (wtf?). Checked the guitar out, no wobbly neck, sweet as. Dude gave me some cash for gas which was cool of him, and we decided to go for a drive and check out the Mount (Manganui). Quite a few people on the beach. Nice girls everywhere, including one of my types (black tshirt and jeans on a hot day) lol.

There were tonnes of dicks just driving round and round in their peice of shit cars though.

Left there, Nick had a sleep in the back, while I stalked some chick in a white skyline all the way back to Papakura. Don’t remember what time we got home. Tried out the guitar, its got a mean sound but only on that amp for some reason. Sounds like crap on Nicks amp.

Then stayed up until about 4am playing Far Cry 2 (awesome game).

Man, lots to do this weekend.

Finish at 7am this Sat morning, I’ve gotta get some sleep, then get up, install my front speakers in my van, change the oil, hook up the drivers door central locking, and tune the amp for all the speakers.

Then going to the Psycroptic concert with Joe, Nick, Shelley and her friend Ella, get drunk off my nut, and mosh the fuck out. Should be mean. Gotta buy a Psycroptic Tshirt too. My brother wants to come but he is not 18 for another 15 days. Shame.

Then on Sunday (hopefully not hungover) road trip it down to Tauranga to pick up my gat and amp and hang around Tauranga if its nice weather.

Then on Monday I can install and play Far Cry 2!! Dave bought it in for me tonight, going to be SO mean! Thats another one I can scratch off my list Plus COD5 came out yesterday so hopefully I’ll get my hands on a copy of that soon.

Shit just remembered its my dads birthday on monday too… what am I going to get him… also skinny leaves for Wellington…

I had a dream. Of a horse crossed with a llama. That my friend Shelley had. And we took it for a roadtrip down to Taupo for some reason. In Becky’s ute. Stopping, on the way, to pick up some random old dudes dog and take it for a trip to.

Halfway along the trip we swapped the ute for a big black cadillac thing and horse/llama-float.

Stopped on the side of the road and slept in the sand cuddled up with the horse-llama, the dog ran away, and the 2 swat-team surburbans full of cops turned up and aimed guns at us.

After abusing the shit out of them regardless of the firearm situation, I got traffic infringements for the tiniest things.

Then driving home had to pull in and tell the old guy that his dog had run away. He remarked that it was a wandering little bugger and he would probably turn up sometime.

What the fuck… goes on in my head? Shelley thinks I am on crack.