I was working new years eve so me and Brad, Nick, and Tesh decided to head up to Pakiri, one of the the meanest, whitest beaches NZ has for new years eve eve. They got there new years eve eve eve night and smashed some pipi’s (literally). Brad even cooked some up and ate them, got drunk and consequently vomited them back up. He no longer eats seafood.

So they had already been there for a day and a night by the time I got there after work on new years eve eve. They had been on a 8 day bender by this time, consuming a 40ounce bottle of Jack Daniels every night leading up to new years eve. Sometimes more than 1 and other times throwing in the odd bottle of Appleton Rum.

I left work at 7, put my double bed in the back, picked up some supplies, 2 bottles of Jack, sausages, coke, L&P, sprite, ice, bread and sauce, and headed up there. Bless daylight saving. Last petrol stop was the turnoff at Warkworth. I headed on but my fuel gauge looked deceivingly lol, though I though I could have only done about 250k’s on that tank so should have heaps left. Besides the gassy in Matakana shut at 8, and I I was there at 8:15. I carried on, through some little town starting with M then through Leigh, and started going up this massive hill.

Massive hill. Got to the top and had the mean view! Right around. Could see all Omaha beach and right around to Pakiri and all the way up Pakiri beach. Was awesome!

Then I started going down and it turned to gravel, that looked like it hadn’t had new gravel or a grader down it in about 5 years and was quite narrow with a 200 metre steep drop down one side, and a vertical wall on the other. And bumpy as shit in my lowered van. Took ages too. Brad told me they had driven up it that day and Nick was drifting his van round every corner on the gravel. I would have shit my pants had I been in there.

Got to the bottom of the hill and it went back to tarseal. Weird that such a road would be neglected by the council to such a state of disrepair but oh well. Then turned off and down another looong fine gravel road until I was almost at the beach and I saw the others parked up. Did a handbrake slide onto a driveway bit but was almost in the ditch, so did a 97 point turn to get onto the grass and through a mud puddle, then backed up to nicks van and opened the back doors so one went under the other. This was our campsite. Right under that big tree.

Got there about 8:45 which is slightly quicker than Google said (my trip there) (I left Dairy Flat at bout 730).

It was just started to get dark, luckily I had put a bottle of Jack on ice and we got into it. I had about 3 shots worth in a cup with coke and I was gone. Cheap drunk – not being a drinker has its upsides . I was stumbling around then Nick started pouring another cup and I grabbed it off him, “Coke is for girls!”, I slurred, and started to scull it straight. “Naa!” he said as he wrestled it back off me “You’ll be passed out in no time you idiot!”, and filled the rest up with coke. Then I sculled that anyway.

I was stumbling around and we started cooking up the sausages. Water and sauce in a pan with precooked sausages on little gas cooker. Nick was eating them raw. Had a few sausage then went round the other side of the van and got out the other bottle of jack and had a few swigs, Nick was like “What’s chumba doing,” and came round the side and grabbed the bottle off me as I cracked up laughing and tripped over air. “Fucking menace,” he smirked and put the bottle in his van.

I got up and (with the support of the van) made my way round to the center of the van where the others were sitting and talked shit with them. I was holding onto the backdoor (which was the makeshift roof), and lost my grip and fell on my face between the vans. My head missing the towbar of nicks van by inches, and started laughing uncontrollably.

“Holy shit,” Nick said, “This is getting serious. We better oshify* this shit!” and put his shoes upside down on both towbars. * OSH = govt dept Occupational Safety and Health

Much drunken hilarity ensued, and then I wanted to go for a swim so we walked down to the beach, and the tide was in. The sand was nice and cold. The water wasn’t too cold, I didn’t go too deep cos I was drunk and it was nighttime and I didn’t want to get eaten by a shark. I was the only one man crazy drunk enough to go though.

Then on the way back we’re all drunkenly tackling each other and shit. Then I was like “Hey Brad, hold this!” and threw my wet (unbeknownst to me sandy) towel in his face and got a big clump of sand in his eye lol. He’s like “Ah fuck, my eye! Oh not fun…” and we had to stop, and Nick was like I’ll help you, got a handful of sand and smacked it into his other eye.

Brad was not happy to say the least. Man we’re awesome mates.

Went back to the vans and after getting the sand out of brads eyes there was more drunkenness and singing to Pantera and Black Label Society and Metallica into the early hours of the morning. Much to the disgust of the people around us I am sure. Then Nicks like “I bet you can’t headbang to an entire song!” and put on some Dying Fetus. So I did, headbang the entire song. So furiously in fact that my neck was stiff and sore for the next 3 days.

Went to bed at about 4 or 5. Got up, cooked some more sausages. Went for some swims in the daylight. Lazed about while Brad played some tunes on the geetar. And then we all went home. There was sooo much traffic on the road heading north, backed up for miles in about 5 places. Soo much better to have your new years before new years.

That night I went to work, lay on the roof of the carpark next door and watched all the fireworks go off the Skytower.

I think this is like my longest post ever.