So we’re at the pub on Thursday night, me Becky, Brad, Nick, and then Letitia turned up later on, and Amy came and hung out when she finished on the bar. Dunno where Shelley was? Think she had work the next day. The owner lady always tops up the jukebox with money from the till for us.

We’re sitting outside at the picnic table, cranking old school stuff like sabbath and eric clapton, all of us pretty wasted.

Topic of laughter for the night was saying smashed pipi, pipi smasher, because the week before. We had been offered (very stupidly) a gig at the Smashed Pipi pub in Mangawhai after some chick at a jam heard us (read: Joe) and thought we were awesome. Which we are, most definitely not.

Topic of laughter, because (as you will know if you already have a dirty mind) pipi representing the female genitalia, and smashing, the act of… fornication. Plus we are apparently 14 years old, thus making it funny. So you can imagine all the euphanisms we were coming up with, including telling threatening each other that we would smash the others pipi if they weren’t careful. Aren’t we evolved.

I get up to go and put on another song, I think I was trying to put on Deep Purple or Cream or something (there was no metal on the jukebox) and instead of hitting 81 on the thing, I hit 61. Which happened to be Vengabus, by the Vengaboys. Man did I feel like a dick, everyone cracks up laughing and points at me while I sit back down, and then they’re trying to make up a combination of my name and vengaboys, with gay taunts and what not. It was to be expected.

Then someone says, “Oh! The van!”, refering to my green van, “The Vengabus!”, “AHAHAHA” and everyone cracks up laughing again… classic…

THe Vengabus

Saturday when we’re on our way to get the engine, Brad texts tesh to ask what the plan was that night. She replies, “I reckon we all get drunk and take the vengabus to the smashed pipi.”

Hehe, good times…

Nick bought another engine, so it was off to Wellsford yesterday. This time a Toyota 3L (2.8litre diesel). Cruised up state highway 16 (the back way, some damn nice views that way), cranking Static-X’s new album.

Got up there, dragged the thing into the van and onto a tire. It was way heavier than the 2L we picked up from Hastings that time. Lucky we had Brad to help us. The guy he bought it off then let us grab a bunch of other stuff off a Hilux carcass sitting in the paddock. Can never have too many spare parts.

His project lux is getting there. He sold his V8 beast a few weeks ago and spent the money on a 39 Ford Bonus pickup with a V8 in it, which is now sitting at the factory. Saw it the other night when me and Shellz went to grab some tires off “Danger”, her old holden ute that got rear ended. She bought a new ute too, another Holden, but gloss black. Looks badass.

That family has an abnormal amount of cars. Nick has 4, 3 of which are projects. His lux, the Bonus, and the aforementioned damaged Danger, which is to become a rat rod in the future, the “Dairy Flat Rat” or something to that effect. Should be mean, flamethrowers, body dropped to an inch off the ground, just real rough and dirty, with a two-tone bare metal and rust paintjob. Or something along those lines anyway.

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause “God will grant him a miracle.”

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in. Mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help, he will put his faith of God. The man drowns. When he arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith he says to St. Peter, “I thought God would grant me a miracle and I have been let down.” St. Peter chuckles and responds, “I don’t know what you’re complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter.”

This joke in light of some stupid stupid fucks who did faith healing on their infant, instead of taking it to an actual doctor. Now they are saying it was their right to practice their religion so they shouldn’t go to jail.

I was crossing the harbour bridge, heading north, when she passed me.

Brand new Black Lamborghini Murcielago LP640… with black mags. Didn’t even know they were in NZ yet. This is the car satan would drive.

She crossed from the lane on my left to the lane on my right, smirking as the guy in the next lane gawked at her in amazement.

She had black hair, black lipstick, and a short silk dress with a satanic kind of pattern on it.

I think I am in love. Lol.

So, anyone seen that report that came out today?

US report predicts nuclear or biological attack by 2013

What a load of SHIT!

First tip-off: “US report predicts”

What, is the US Govt some kind of global authority on terrorism now? So what, they got attacked, so did lots of other places. They fucked up Iraq, they fucked up Afghanistan, they fucked up catching Bin Laden (if you even believe he was the one responsible). This is just another mass scaremongering technique to terrorize the public into complacency – cos when the public is scared, they’re easy to control – its called the Shock Doctrine, or Distaster Capitalism.

Second tip-off: “The six-month inquiry singles out Pakistan as one of the likeliest sources of such an attack”

O RLY? How convenient. The country that “Al Qeida” (if they are even real) are hiding in, and slip in and out of Afghanistan from. Throw into that the fact that the terrorists that attacked Mumbai are conveniently from Pakistan (not CIA agents in a CIA orchestrated operation to make Pakistan look like a terrorist haven so they can invade?). The US Govt has their eye on Pakistan, they would love to invade, but why? See below…

Third tip-off: “President George Bush welcomed the report”

Of course he did. If they can invade pakistan, Bush and his cronies can a) make a shitload of money on war munitions (Boeing, Lockheed, Defense Contractors), rebuilding (Halliburton, Carlyle), hired mercenaries (Blackwater) just like they did in Iraq, b) gain control of the countries State-owned enterprises and resources. Such as (YOU GUESSED IT!) OIL!. Pakistan is a modest producer of oil and we all know the US is oil hungry. The state-owned Oil and Gas Development Corporation (OGDC) that produces a lot of Pakistans oil could be up for grabs, as could Pakistan Petroleum Ltd. (PPL), which produces most of the countries natural gas.

I bet they already tried to corrupt and bribe the president of Pakistan into selling their companies and resources to US companies but he said no, so now they’re going to go in there to take them by force.

Fourth tip-off: “The target could be the US or some other part of the world.” “a biological or nuclear attack within the next five years was not inevitable”

These sentences are slightly confusing, and non-defining. They don’t want to set anything in stone. First they says “predicts nuclear or biological attack by 2013″ then says that it’s not inevitable. So if inevitable means it is definitely going to happen, that statement means it is definitely not going to happen.

I just hope the US Govt doesn’t decide to invade and fuck up Pakistan like they did Afghanistan and Iraq.

Man, Treyarch has failed us. COD5 is a peice of shit.

I was reckoning this release would suck due to the fact a console developer was making it, and because we’re going back in time. And COD5 does suck.

• The guns sound like cap guns. Absolute crap.
• The graphics suck. I don’t understand how they could fuck that up using the COD4 engine but it looks almost exactly like COD2
• It feels like a console port. Fine for all you people using a controller, but COD is originally a PC game.
• WW2. I tried to like the setting, but its just been done before too many times. You could argue that they had pacific levels, but MoH: Pacific Assault already covered this.

COD4 was so awesome because it was set in modern times. Modern weapons, terrorists, and a fucking AC-130 Spectre.

So yeah, in short disappointing. Play it, see what you think.